life resumes

FINALLY got around to do almost everything ive been wanting to do but had to put on hold for a number of reasons .. biggest one would be pure unadulterated LAZINESS .. managed to wrap up a few things at work after ages of working on it – or at least it felt like it ..

anyhoo – completed my resume .. so this week ill be somewhat busy applying away for jobs .. so .. things is tho when i did my resume i realised that i had so much things to add in there – i mean 3 years of stuff compiled into a page so i had to leave most stuff out .. but just writing my resume made me realise that altho i hated my job – i still managed to get quite a bit done .. take the last project for example – i was so against getting the job and was in such a shite mood and was fighting tooth and nail trying not to get it – why? – cos its a super fast track project .. no one in their sane mind wants that .. but still at the end – we completed the project on time and didnt even loose money in it – initially we thought we would be at the rate my boss was slashing the prices .. so anyway – point is – i DO realise that it is a learning curve and as much as i hate the job .. i do learn a lot from it and it does gives me valuable experience ..

but of course life cant be easy cos now my im presented with an even bigger challenge with this new assignment .. ah well .. its gonna be a nightmarish 2 weeks .. u know before the whole things starts u sort of have an idea of how bad things are going to be and ud wonder how ure gonna get through it .. those late nights – the thousand of things to get done – the constant pressure from your superior .. but somehow at the end u just kinda forget about everything – how bad it was .. until u get your next assignment that it

anyway – this is what we call useless random shorts

guilt spring cleaning

am experiencing this pain between my neck and right shoulder .. hopefully it has nothing to do with stress .. am i stressed? .. dont think so .. i WAS earlier on this week – but towards christmas it was smooth sailing .. it was so smooth in fact that i managed to finish up some work that has been stalled for ages due piled up urgent and extremely urgent shit .. and today i managed to do some spring cleaning to my desk – so now my cubicle is somewhat more presentable and i could say organized – of course some ppl could not say that .. heh .. but it is better than what it was before – i couldnt even find anything and i had no proper ‘in’ and ‘out’ tray … my cubicle could actually seat 2 ppl but with the stacks of papers and files i had before on top AND at the bottom of my desk – no one dared to sit there .. so .. hopefully this brings in the good luck and also more money for next year .. hahah .. chinese feng shui is really getting to me

would post a pic of the clean new cubicle area .. but id rather not .. cos without a ‘before’ pic – ppl would be going ‘she calls THAT clean and ORGANIZED??!!?’ .. heh

 * an image showing the closest resemblance of my previously disorganized desk

the year the earth stood still (for me at least)

wordpress has a new look .. interesting .. i spose this has been weeks but i havent logged in anytime recently .. so .. anyway .. i like .. nothing drastic .. looks neat and spiffy.. guess its more friendly – but i havent figured out half of the stuff in this .. so

*sigh*

another bloomin landslide .. when will these ppl ever learn .. what bugs me most is one particular minister even had the balls to ask public not to blame the government .. interesting .. i suppose IM the one who gives out land approvals is it?  .. hah .. highlarious .. sure we can blame developers amnd contractors but bear in mind that there would be no digging and no chopping of trees on land without the ‘yes’ from the ministry .. so id say that the government should take full responsibility from it .. and as someone pointed out – half the time, the developers would also be the ministers and if thats not the case – theyd be bribed into approving shit ..

good to know that the residents have a good case to take action against these ppl .. so i hope they sue them for all theyre worth .. like billions .. get all the bribe money .. heh .. man i wonder how shit must the officials must feel to know that theyre greed actually killed a few ppl .. but then again maybe its hard to feel guilty when ure in a million dollar bribe money mansion ..

anyway .. i think these ppl need to look up the word ‘conservation’

so .. its bloomin december .. and i dont think ive ever feel bummed about a new year than ive ever felt before .. i mean not that i usually go crazy on new year – its just that this year – its bummed out .. after thinking of what ive achieved in 2008 – that is .. totally bummed .. i think its fair to say ive achieved nothing .. and im more and more hating my job .. everyday has become somewhat unbearable .. but im staying till i get my bonus .. heh .. sorry but with what small amount im getting – i HAVE to be money minded .. cos they work you like a slaved mule .. well just mules actually .. or slaves .. either one .. im fed up of not having any form of life – while other ppl are doing waht they like and having fun .. and im stuck in the office til nite time and i dont fully get my holidays either .. without work being at the back of my mind .. bleh .. point is – im sick of it

so heres a depressing song by paul young

ooh oh oh .. the day the earth stood still is opened today .. woot .. haha .. gonna get me keanu dosage .. hes making fewer films each year .. how depressing

coldplay is touring australia – nearly bloody well bought a ticket – wont be a wise move during these trying times

mr. a to z is also going to be touring asia again soon .. music to my ears (hopefully – fingers crossed)

don’t you want me baby

once again im having this idiotic throbbing headache which kinda puts me in a bad mood .. of course it would all stem from work problems .. god i feel like im on a fast track to be like my mom and aunts who just basically love to yell at ppl .. i mean i didnt realise that my threshold of yelling has somehow moved up to another level until well a few projects ago when i started yelling like a madman to all my suppliers .. granted that they did something wrong – still i think at this rate ill reach my moms level of being hyper and yelling at ppl at the tender age of 35 .. heh .. wouldnt want that to happen .. im SO not on the track to be a more peaceful and better person .. heh .. in fact it looks like im going full speed in the opposite direction ..

maybe it would help if i dont get so much problems from other ppl .. but sometimes i think that if i didnt make such a hassle about things, i wouldnt get it as fast as i could .. and i wouldnt get the splendid service that theyd give me right after all that screaming .. blah i dunno .. hopefully my blood pressure is not high .. and this splitting headache is just a migraine – which is no better but dunno lesser evil thingy shit ..

i think i need to practice those tai-chi thingy … get my chi right .. i can feel my chi is all wrong and its not flowing smoothly .. i see bad things happened to me twice in a row in my projects .. like a damn deja-vooo .. so not on .. or maybe i shoud do some yoga – meditation to eleviate the mind or something to that effect .. OR maybe i could just stop yelling and take a chill pill .. which is the most unlikely thing to happen cos i dont really handle pressure well – thats where ill start yelling .. and i cant stand getting yelled at – which is also precisely where ill start yelling

prolly go shopping .. retail therapy – oh but wait that would make me depressed cos i cant buy most of the things .. poop

anyway – have to find a day where i could go and watch one of the films showing during the european film festival .. i wish theyd make a bigger deal about the film festivals .. i mean it would be fun .. and it would be more up-to-date – but whatever .. i live in malaysia – so no such thing would happen

saw ‘Boy A’ the movie – which i think is a canadien movie .. which i also think is very nice .. bloody sad ending tho .. totally didnt see it coming – well i think i did but was in a denial cos the boy was cute .. which brings me to the next point – was it on purpose that they picked a goodlooking boy to be the bad guy? .. so that u have this guilty feeling for feeling sorry for him? .. halfway in the movie i was totally rooting for the boy u know like ‘give him a chance’ bla bla bla .. but then again after i thot about it he DID kill a girl .. but he was soo young back then?!!? .. yea my mind was having an argument about the boys innocence .. which is pointless – i know .. anyway – eh 8.5/10 for that movie

ok this irritating malay drama is on tv and the mom is telling the daughter to not think about others and just do whatever she feels like .. quality shit – how can i miss this

anyway – last words – theres a cool new radio station which plays rock – 70s rock .. 80s rock .. pearl jam .. u name it .. and i LOVE it .. sucks that its business fm and id hafta hear depressing economic news and falling stock markets in between .. ah well – u cnat always get what you want

kissing charlie bartlett

god it was around this time last year that i had to go thru 1 month of well .. very very difficult or as my boss would call it “challenging” time .. could still remember it clearly and everytime i do id get chills .. definitely would not want to go thru anything like that ever again .. could still remember going up and down the uncompleted pavilion and going back and forth doing shit for my project .. what a nitemare .. i had to stay day in day out at site – sometimes not even knowing whether its day or nite .. having to break fast alone AND very very late cos i was too busy .. GOD .. when i think bout it now – i didnt know how i got thru all that .. cos it was so damn depressing .. but from then on tho – and also for the few months after that – i came to realise that i dont think its all worth it … so from now on – yes i know how to be more efficient with my time .. but i also realise that my work will ALWAYS be endless no matter how much shit i finish today or how much shit i finished yesterday or how much shit i plan to finish tomorrow … i will always get new things piling up .. so now ive learned that theres no point stressing – im not gonna stress .. if it aint gonna finish on time – then it just AINT gonna finish on time .. not to say that i wont do my job – i will – but i wont stay back til very late at nite .. i wont stress too much on stuff .. just basically i wont do whatever it is that i did a year back .. that was like my life and death was for my job .. even til the very last day of ramadan – i had to stay til late at nite .. and i had to come back on the 2nd day of raya .. well that AINT gonna happen anymore this year .. if there is one thing i learn – its NOT worth it .. yes maybe some ppl have that kind of drive or is a workaholic like that .. but to me – yes i dont mind working hard and spending long hours – just not doing this job

think its time for a job change .. heh ..

anyway .. im soo into design blogs rite now that im forgetting my second most favorite thing .. movies! .. this week was robert downey jr week cos i saw ‘kiss kiss bang bang’ few days ago and ‘charlie bartlett’ just now

so ‘kiss kiss bang bang’ … makes me love mr downey so much more .. hes just soo fun to watch on screen .. and i like it when he plays this poor helpless guy – a bit of an idiot – but whatever .. it was fun to watch .. storywise it was ok – interesting enough .. but of course half the time ure just glued to downey so i dont think anything else matters .. seriously tho – i really do think that i could watch a movie with just him in it – yup the only actor – thats it .. yes hes THAT engaging .. like in that elton john video .. its just him him him and him ..

and charlie bartlett .. who is that kid? .. hes ok – not that convincing tho .. but the movie was ok .. downey jr had a minimal part in it .. so .. and he plays a dad and a principal .. so .. i hate it when he plays a responsible adult .. heh .. cept for ironman of course .. and zodiac – he was somehow funny in zodiac - i think he just needs to play kooky characters …

so – kiss kiss bang bang – 7/10 and charlie bartlett – 6/10

on a sidenote .. what the hell happened to dvd sellers at the summit? .. where the hell are they? .. have they stopped selling for a month? .. what? 

also – i think im addicted to project runway now – i need the box set of series 1 to whatever!

thank god its friday .. tomorrow

so what happened was – AS SOON as i say something like ‘i wanna be kind to people’ or something like that and ‘i wont yell at people anymore’ .. so guess what happened? .. yes absolutely right – today i was just totally in a verbal fight with one of my factory guys .. didnt know what happened to my coolness .. suddenly my voice just got higher and higher .. and coupled by the fact that he was cutting me off mid-sentence – i ABSOLUTELY HATE that .. and his voice was quite loud so i had to go LOUDER .. it was all a blur – all i could remember was i asked him to shut up and suddenly i felt all pumped after that .. heh .. arenaline rush ..

yea i know its nothing to be proud off – it just happened – and i rarely loose my cool with these ppl – cos its pointless – you cant win an argument with them and theyll always twist shit around to make everything to be your fault .. so i guess what happened was i was really tired of that and just decided to tell them to piss off … cos really at that point in time – i just couldnt care less what everyone else thinks or what everyone else WILL think .. i know my boss will prolly talk about this in the next meeting – but honestly im at a point where i dont care anymore .. i dunno i just somehow cant STAND office politics – backstabbers bla bla bla .. i dunno how can some ppl just be ignorant of this – well maybe cos theyre not caught in the middle of it .. oh well .. ive thot long and hard bout this and right now im just waiting to see what happens next .. and for the first time EVER – i have a plan ..

heh

deputydog (a site that i love) has a spanky new chart page that im kinda diggin .. i mean who doesnt love Top Ten Lists?? .. think im gonna add charts to my blogroll … yup

shit day at work today .. really really reaaaaaaaaaaaally shit day .. ok maybe im exagerrating quite a bit – make that really ( x 50) CRAP day at work .. and im still wondering HOW come other ppl are not affected by their moods at all .. i mean some ppl i know (i think maybe MOST .. or maybe ALL) ppl i know are just in their best mood 24-7 .. even when shit was bad – or something – somehow they dont get into this sulky zone – much like i do – half the time .. most of the time maybe .. heh .. anyway i think ive posted bout my mood swings before – so no point repeating .. heh i just did tho .. but anywaaaays .. work is piling up like crazy .. and i mean ridiculous CRAZY .. and at times like these i wish i have another job – i do like this job and i do like the ppl i work with (well most of em) but – the amount of work is just frigging ridiculous .. urm cos i think im part of the percentage of ppl who wouldnt want to be married to my job – eventho i dont have a life .. im not crazy .. and it doesnt help when i read blogs of ppl travelling here and there ..

anyway .. ive seen so many design sites that sometimes i wish im a chair designer or something ..

what the hell? .. this post is so pointless .. cos im bitching bout work again – and my shitty moods .. heh .. i HATE that

think im gonna get some movies this weekend or tomorrow or something .. which reminds me – i havent watched ‘che’ .. shoot .. i think i have like quite a collection of dvds that i have bought but have yet to watch … must do something bout it

words to live by ..

is sometimes hard to do .. yes to do both would sometimes require such an effort for me .. but seeing that with my current company that im working for – having to work hard comes easily (whether i like it or not – most of the time – NOT) .. and being NICE to ppl – would be a rarity .. being contractors i guess comes with having to fight your way through – and altho i HAVE sadly adopted some of the bad ways of not having enough patience with people .. i did manage to pick some nice points too – ive noticed .. its normal to see ppl screaming and shouting at each other and ive often wondered .. i mean – i DO get mad and be a bitch to ppl at times but never to an extreme extent that i would mostly see in the office .. so like i said i often wondered do you really have to scream at people to get your way? .. do you really have to step on people to get to the top? .. do you really have to treat people like shit to get some kind of respect? .. i certainly see it happening a LOT in my office – and other places too .. but to me – is that really necessary? .. cos i dont think ive screamed and shouted at any of the ppl i work with .. not even my suppliers or my sub-contractors .. well maybe cos i have never really got screwed by them .. but really u know – its one of those things that im constantly thinking about – cos id see it everyday in the office and its encouraged for you to scream and shout to get what you want or to get things done .. but for me – at worst – i do raise my voice and a few swear words would come out but never to an extent that i would be screaming bloody murder to someone .. i seriously do not think im capable of that

so back to my dilemma – is that really necessary for you to get ahead in life? .. so ud have to be this vicious crazy dog who eats other ppl for you to get to the top yeah? .. and when i look at ppl like donald trump – he does look like hed step on you as if youre a piece of gum on his shoe .. sure i guess there are some nice ppl but its rare and i dont think i could get anywhere if i were to stay in this company ..

and even when i did lost it at times – id feel really bad afterwards .. and ive seen ppl getting yelled at and be treated like dogs – and im always wondering ‘damn what if i were at the receiving end’ or u know if i see some of my superior yelling at someone whos a lot older than them – id be thinking what if that were my mom or dad or my aunts or uncles .. i mean – id HATE for anythng like that to happen to them .. and id hate for any of my children or even my brothers or sisters to be in any situation like that .. i mean the way these ppl treat some of the general workers – i wouldnt even think of doing that to any of my CATS .. or other ppls cats for that matter …

so u know – ive been wondering bout this for quite some time now up until i think last two weeks .. when i met up with one of my suppliers and i was in a kind of jam .. and she helped me .. and what she said to me just i guess completely answered everything for me .. she said something like normally she wouldnt take such a small job (and the fact that it being so far away) as she wouldnt make any money out of it BUT (and here comes the best part) … she did it cos she liked working with me and that she trusted me – so thats why she decided to help .. and this is one of the good suppliers that ive worked with and i liked working with cos shes very detailed and meticulous – just in short i wouldnt have to worry about the end result if i asked her to do something .. so it really felt good to hear that and pretty much sums it all up for me .. that i guess theres 2 way around it – u can either be the biggest bitch around and make everyone who works with you HATE your guts BUT ud get your way .. OR you could be nice to ppl, keep your blood pressure down, have a good relationship with people and STILL get your way .. i KNOW im not the nicest of people but i know im not a big D**K who disrespects ppl in order to get respect .. so now i know that it could still work – and i now i dont care if i cant bloody curse your granma – i still can get things done in a nicer way – with minor screamings and headache .. so i guess its true what one of my colleague said to me – u just do things however youre comfortable with – and if some ppl dont like it, let them be ..

its not to say that i havent been pissy at ppl before – i have – lots of times .. and mostly with those government service type of people (for being extra difficult and impossible i have to add) .. but never to an extent that i would scream like a madman .. so i guess u know, after 4 years in the working world – and as much as i hate it .. i have finally found a way that im comfortable with .. and you know what – if anyone else ever come up to me and go ‘ooh ure not stern enough… oof you have to scream at them a lil bit so that you can get your things on time’ im just going to go ‘shut up .. this is how i get things done and its how i get ppl to work with me and respect me .. if you dont like it – feel free to eff off’

2007

a bit pissed off cos i might not be able to enjoy a long weekend cos i have work due next wednesday … hate it when shit like this happens … HATE with big capital letters lighted up with neon lights .. yes thats how much i hate it .. saw an episode of ‘friends’ the other day – i kinda like ‘friends’ .. can watch em like 10 times on rerun and still laugh at the same jokes … heh .. so anyway in that episode – it was christmas and chandler had to work and he had to work on new years too – so .. now i know what it feels like .. god nothing can make u feel so down other than the fact that everyone else will be partying their asses off and ull be in the office doing work .. that would be like the number one bummer situation ever … its not to say that i would be partying if i dont have work to do – I JUST WANT SOME REST .. and can i just have ONE freaking day off without having to think about work at all … AT ALL … its always ok its a holiday – but work will always be at the back of my mind like things not getting done .. or site people calling up .. i used to think that was cool (dont ask-i dont even fucking know why) but now its like im always THIS close to bloody throwing the phone in the fucking drain everytime it rings when im on a holiday .. THIS CLOSE .. and u know why .. its bcos i have to spend like most of my waking hours doing work … office and site and factory … so when im holiday-ing i would want none of that .. i just dont know how ppl can really just be 24 hrs immersed in their job … ok maybe its cos they love their job – but still u need 15 mins of something else .. toilet time or whatever … cant be work work work work … i guess or maybe if u own a company and your whole life depends on it ud be more interested to work like 24-7 .. iono – but still there has a break in between … or unless if i make like 24 billion dollars or some shit like that facebook guy – then ok .. id prolly lug my ass around the office more …

ok thing is i AM interested in whatever it is im doing .. i like interior i like architecture and i dont mind going to site – its just the bloody problems that comes with it … so ok sure all jobs would have its good and bad – perks and well .. non-perks? … still – u need to get a breather otherwise ud go fucking crazy …

anyway enuff about that .. new years coming .. has it really been a year? .. DAMN .. i feel like this year is by far the shortest year ive ever expereinced – EVER .. one thing ive noticed (woohoo im about to ramble about work again) is that ever since i work in this company – i started counting the time in terms of projects … ok for example if a project takes 3 months to complete – then as soon as i start with that project itll be such a busy pace and ill be counting down til the end of the 3 months – namely the everdreadful but impending HANDOVER date … and as soon as im finished with that project – ill be assigned to another 3 month thing and the cycle goes on and on .. so now my year is counted in quarters – so that makes it …. well a bit shitty cos i feel like everythings based on work/project .. and it doesnt make u realise how fast time goes by … and i just hate that – well maybe hate is really harsh cos i do quite like what im doing (my work) but maybe – i wish it was better

so 2007 – saddest thing this year was when my maknyah passed away .. i have turned to such a cryer now .. heh .. anyway i miss her – and i know it sucks to think about things that u did and most of all what u DIDNT do when someones alive and u later regret it when theyre gone but one thing is for sure – wish i hugged her more … ok tears are welling up – next topic …

get to go to langkawi for a few times and find my innerself …. heh .. NAH! .. wish i could say that tho … heh .. but going to langkawi part is true – and i gets to buy mucho chocolatas!

seriously im cracking my brain trying to think of 2007 hilights – NOTHING comes to mind .. heh .. fucking amazing .. either im so frggin senile now or totally nothing else that is even remotely interesting happened .. how SAD is that???

ok well theres jijis wedding – heh shed kill me if i whine bout nothing interesting happening this year bla bla bla when she got married this year … well sad to say that i didnt contribute much cos i was busy with work … but still – am happy for her

ok what else … hmmm .. seriously – i cant think right now .. so thats pretty much it .. im itching to put one of the most interesting thing for me this year was that the youtube bug has finally bit me but that cant be it .. heh – youtube is so last year! .. im sooo slow with the technology!

talking bout techmos n gizmos … i signed up with facebook … yea yea yea i got some invites like earlier this year but have been religiously declined everything cos i just cant friggin keep up .. i have myspace freindster flickr multiply acounts and i cant even remember any of the passwords – i rarely use any of those … i rarely even log in – maybe once a year .. and maybe not even that … but seriously how do u keep up with that .. i mean now itd prolly take like 3 hours everyday just to be updated in every fucking social networking prog thingy around … prolly more than that – now wonder “the internet” is listed as the number one time waster in an office … heh .. but anyway back to facebook – as soon as i bloody signed up – i immediately regret my action .. heh … cos im so not into social networking thing so i dunno what the hell am i doing there … plus i didnt have any ‘friends’ yet so wasnt much that i could do … but at first glance – i think facebook is too open .. like too .. hmm … impersonal? .. i cant think of a word to describe it .. but bleh – maybe later on when i get the bug id be marvelling at the genius that is facebook – yea thatll prolly happen in approximately 2 years from now heh … eventho i have earlier refused to be part of the herd and sign up – but after reading that newsweek article bout that mark dude – creater founder blablabla of facebook… i was a wee bit curious .. ok i wasnt really but i checked it out anyway cos i guess for something to be worth 24 billion dollars – it has to be something amazing .. heh turns out the additional and amazing thing is that you can ‘poke’ ppl? … yeaaaa okaaaaay .. unless ‘poke’ means actual ‘sex’ then i dont think its all that interesting … so for now ill just sit on it and log in again in a couple of months or something heh

i thot i was talking bout 2007 ….

p/s no music to post today – blogging at the office – speakers fuct

happy ending gone forever more

aaaaaaand i spoke too soon ..

was given a new project today .. please remember that i just came back from a 4-day trip to bangkok .. yes and guess what … i got the second half of the maldives project … my GOD i can practically fucking smell the catastrophe thats about to happen soon .. what with this project being “still in discussion” stage … and we have only 5 months to complete it … AND we havent even agreed on ANYTHINg .. no confirmed drawings … its 3 central buildings which comprises of 10 lil buildings in each centre (GREAT!) … and .. and and and the MOST damndest thing is that we have another BIG project going on concurrently … OMIGOD – this just spells disaster man … seriously – cos this is what happened to me with my last project … adn ok granted that we have like seniors being in charge now … but still … it is an overseas project … lots of transporting bla bla bla

o k i need to pray …

heh